When to Walk Away: Follow Jesus’ Example

By: Gary L. Thomas, faithgateway.com

Jesus walked away from toxic people and let them walk away from Him. We can learn to follow His example.

INTRODUCTION

For the first fifteen years of their marriage they served the church in two dramatically different ways. Both David and Ginny had gifts for ministry, loved people, and felt honored to serve the same congregation. David was the pastor and Ginny led the music ministry and adult education. Their mission was the same, but they responded to toxic people in totally different ways.

When they started at their first church, a woman came at Ginny like a heat-seeking missile. She was clearly needy and explained to Ginny that she wanted an accountability partner, a friend, a shoulder to cry on, and someone to call (at any time, day or night) when she was in need. This woman was certain that the Lord wanted Ginny to be that person. So, Ginny made the commitment and jumped into a relationship that lasted fifteen long and painful years.

This woman demanded everything and gave nothing back. She would call at all hours and expect Ginny to drop everything, even the care of her children, to listen, pray, and help her manage whatever issue she was facing. When Ginny would try to establish barriers, the woman would declare that Ginny was not loving, not caring, and maybe not even a Christian. She would share this with anyone who would listen.

Over time, this woman began declaring to anyone who would listen that no one at the church cared about her or did anything to help her. She even wrote a letter to the church board saying that Ginny was an unkind person and should not be serving at the church until she learned how to “be more like Jesus.” Finally, this angry woman left the church. She told people, “I am going to find a church where the members actually care and where the pastor’s wife is not a hypocrite!”

During this same decade and a half, David also encountered a handful of toxic people in their church. He was kind to them but always seemed able to keep them at arm’s length. They would make demands of him and he would smile and let them know that it was not his job to be their personal counselor, to meet all of their needs, to be their best friend, or to come to every event they felt he should attend. Some of them got angry and pushed back, but other members of the church would assure David, “That guy has always been like that and everyone knows it!” They would assure him that keeping a safe distance from “that guy” was a wise decision that most of the church members would understand.

Instead of being controlled by a few super-needy, angry, and highly demanding people, David invested that time in two or three leaders each year. He would identify those who were mature leaders that needed some coaching and encouragement and he would pour into them. David also had a gift for finding younger and upcoming leaders and helping them sharpen their gifts, grow in prayer, and learn to serve Jesus in the church and the marketplace.

When David and Ginny accepted a call to move to a new church, they took time to evaluate their ministry. David was thankful that he had the honor of preaching and leading the congregation, but he told Ginny that one of his greatest joys was seeing several leaders take serious steps forward in their love for God, service in the church, and their passion for living out faith in their home and in the workplace. Ginny told David that she celebrated the growth in the music ministry and the adult classes. But, sadly, she had not really invested in developing many leaders. She said, “Most of my time for the last fifteen years has been invested in one woman, and I wonder if I made any lasting impact on her life.”